What to do if your child is not well behaved

When children are young, parents hope that they will grow up quickly. After the children grow up, some parents feel very regretful, thinking that their children are not as well-behaved as when they were young. When they grow up, the children are very naughty and do not listen to their parents' discipline, which gives parents a headache. In fact, a child's naughtiness may be a hallmark feature of a child's growth at a certain stage, and parents just need to guide them correctly. Let me tell you what to do if your child is not well behaved.

My 3-year-old son is very eloquent. For every one you say, he will reply with 10 sentences, and his arguments are very convincing. For example, if he doesn’t put his toys away, he will watch TV. I said, “You can’t watch TV if you don’t put them away.” He said, “I have the right to decide when to put away my toys.” I got so angry that I turned off the TV to stop him from watching, and he yelled, “You can’t interfere with my freedom.”

Expert deciphers: The child’s words obviously came from the family’s version. If a family advocates democracy, the education of children should also be democratic. In this case, the child’s words can be said to be “truthful” and he is able to protect his own rights. There is nothing wrong with his behavior in essence. He just lacks respect for his parents, but the premise is that his parents don't respect him either.

One-on-one tips: After the child answers "I have the right to decide when to put away the toys," parents can stop saying anything. Discuss with the child afterwards: If his parents want him to put away his toys immediately, should he accept it? If he wants to put away his toys at a certain time, can his parents also accept it?

2. Baby's disobedient behavior 2: Slamming the door when criticized

Every time you criticize your daughter, she will slam the door in your face.

Expert’s explanation: This is a child with strong imitation ability and sensitive interpersonal relationships. If children are in a good family and interpersonal environment, their interpersonal skills will be developed excellently. When parents neglect interpersonal communication in the family (between spouses, with elders, etc.) or when adults joke or scold each other, young children only see the surface, and children are very imitative, so they learn from them.

One-on-one tips: Adults should care for each other, understand each other, and communicate more positively. Your child will quickly learn and give you feedback, which will delight you.

My son plays computer games endlessly. I said, "Don't play too much, or you'll damage your eyes." Without even turning his head, he said, "You're so annoying. So annoying." If you discuss this issue with him, we'll get caught up in a tangled bargaining process, which is really giving me a headache.

Experts explain: Children find their parents annoying because they have to stop playing games, and even if they don’t stop, they will not be able to play the games. And the words of defiance are the family's version.

One-on-one tips: Playing computer games for a long time affects the eyes, which your children already know and you have nagged them about it many times. The correct approach is to agree with your child on the time for computer play and control it with an alarm clock or timer. If necessary, parents can pat their children's bodies to remind them. Normally, you should praise him for his self-control in an exaggerated way to reinforce it.

4. Baby's disobedient behavior 4. Reasonable rebuttal

My daughter is smart and clever. To achieve her own goals, she will convince us with all kinds of reasons, such as why not? Why do we have to do that? We can... For example, before going to grandma's house, I asked her to get dressed quickly, and she immediately "replied": "Why should I hurry? I can't run away from grandma's house", "Don't you always tell me to be careful and patient when doing things?", "Grandma always says to take your time and not to be too impatient"... I find it very difficult to deal with her.

Expert’s explanation: There is no doubt that this is a family that loves to “reason”. Children cannot understand that people's behavior in different situations requires flexibility and agility. They are limited by their thinking development (stereotyped thinking) and life experience, and use a special kind of reasoning (transductive reasoning) to refute the contradictions in their parents' educational philosophy.

One-on-one advice: reduce general preaching and pay attention to specific requirements for specific matters. In this case, if the child says, "I can't run away from grandma's house," your answer is, "But grandma will be worried." In response to “Don’t you always tell me to be careful and patient when doing things?”, do not answer “Exceptions are made in special circumstances.” Otherwise, the child will use this sentence to make excuses for himself next time. Parents can use examples from their children's daily lives in the form of stories to provide specific guidance for their children's behavior and gradually develop their thinking.

5. Baby's disobedient behavior 5 Ignoring you

We agreed to go to the park after a nap, but when the nap time came, my son was still playing. We urged him again and again: "Be good, baby, go to bed quickly, or we will be too late to go to the park." But he was like a deaf person and did not respond.

Expert’s advice: Look at the bright side, stay focused, and have a good strategy of “ignoring it.” This way you won’t be easily disturbed. Time is abstract, and young children generally lack a sense of time. This phenomenon is normal.

One-on-one tips: Daily life has a schedule. Parents need to set rules and use strategies. For example, if you give your child limited choices, "either take a nap, go to the park or continue playing, or not go to the park", it depends on the content of the child's game. For example, if he is on a train, you can say "it's night now, the passengers and the driver are all asleep. The next stop is the Children's Park, everyone will have enough energy to play after a good sleep" etc. If the child's game content is difficult to temporarily end, he should be allowed to finish it (do not interrupt the child's game or activities at will, because cultivating attention is also important.

My 3-year-old son is so naughty. If I don’t watch him carefully, he will squeeze my cosmetics and toothpaste onto the wall to “paint the wall” and spray mousse all over the room and say it is “snowing heavily”.

Expert’s answer: Be thankful! You have a son who is full of creativity and dares to try new things. Don't scold him. If you succeed in "stopping" him, you may kill an "Einstein"!

One-on-one tips: Child’s behavioral clues: He is interested in exploring nature. Please help him turn the kitchen into a laboratory and take him to do the experiment of "mixing" oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and sugar. Or provide him with a variety of paints, let him mix them, observe the changes, and provide him with a wealth of popular science reading materials. Best of all, you will develop a strong interest in science from now on.

7. Disobedient behavior 7: Scare sister with insects

My son knows that his little cousin is particularly afraid of insects, so he would catch a grasshopper or even a cockroach and put it on her head, making her scream.

Expert explanation: This is a children's prank, but also children's humor. What he wanted was the effect of "sister screaming". We must know that humor is wisdom and optimism, and it cannot be stifled harshly.

One-on-one tips: Take your children to read humorous comics and tell humorous stories often, and at the same time remind them that behaviors that may make people angry or scared are “not allowed.” In normal times, humor techniques can also be used in the process of disciplining children. If a child wants to go swimming but is not allowed to and cries, the parents may say, "There was a person who cried and cried until two buckets of tears came out, and then he swam in his tears." The child will find it very funny and burst into laughter.