Reasons why children have poor self-control

Self-control refers to people's ability to consciously control their own behavior and emotions. People with self-control know what they can and cannot do. Many parents begin training their children's self-control when they are very young. Some children have weak self-control. There are many reasons why children have poor self-control, such as being influenced by their parents' behavior, lack of communication with their parents, and being spoiled by their parents.

Babies aged 0-2 years old often show strong impulsiveness because the inhibitory function of the cerebral cortex is still immature and the excitatory process is dominant. When something that has been emphasized before happens again, they may not follow the rules. Therefore, the baby's unwillingness to wait, patience, failure to follow the rules of the game, bad temper, etc. may all be characteristics of the baby's age and a manifestation of the baby's immature physical and mental development.

Parents should not think that this is a characteristic of the baby's age and leave it alone. In fact, parents should start paying attention to cultivating the baby's self-control during this period. During the infant period, parents can hug and kiss their babies more often to help them soothe themselves. Surveys show that the ability to self-soothe is crucial to a baby's development of independence. When the baby is older, parents can give more active guidance in daily life, so that the baby can gradually understand what is allowed and what should not be done. Parents should try to reduce scolding their children and give them more sense of security. Parents' patient teaching is also very important!

2. Parents lack self-control and have bad tempers

Some parents have a hot temper themselves, and under the influence of their parents, the baby will naturally become impatient, impetuous, and bad-tempered. Parents' words and actions serve as role models in their baby's growth and learning process. If mom and dad always complain about trivial matters, or lose their temper and yell at their children when they do something wrong, or if the family atmosphere is tense and the parents often quarrel, the children will lack a sense of security for a long time and lack guidance from their parents, it will be difficult for them to have good self-control.

Therefore, it is very important for parents to set a good example. When facing a child who has done something wrong, parents should control their emotions, avoid losing their temper, and try to analyze and solve the problem with their child through calm communication. If your baby has a bad temper and always throws things around when he is in a bad mood. The editor suggests that parents can take a calm approach, ignore the baby first, leave him until he calms down, and then respond to him.

The baby uses wrong behavior to express his unhappiness, perhaps because the baby does not know a better way to express it. Therefore, parents can try to understand and guess the baby's thoughts and help the baby express his emotions. After the baby feels accepted and understood, his emotions will naturally calm down. Methods like this can gradually help babies learn to express their emotions correctly, rather than just throwing things around to vent their emotions.

3. Parents often quarrel

Inharmonious family relationships cause babies to be in a state of fear and insecurity for a long time. Young babies have poor judgment. When they see their parents quarreling, they often think it is because of themselves, and even doubt whether their parents love them anymore. Arguing at the same time is actually setting a wrong example for children. Children are likely to think that quarreling is the best way to solve problems, and that negative emotions do not need to be suppressed and they can just curse when they are unhappy.

Creating a warm and pleasant family atmosphere for children, allowing them to fully feel the love and warmth of their parents, and providing them with a healthy growth environment are the basic guarantees for the development of good character and behavioral habits. If parents really cannot control the quarrel in front of the baby, they should reconcile in front of the baby and explain to the baby the reason for the quarrel afterwards, so that the baby can forgive the parents' impulsive behavior. Parents should also encourage their children to express their feelings, so as to avoid keeping them in their hearts and causing shadows in their children's hearts.

A child's self-control depends on the guidance and education of their parents in daily life. If parents simply take an indifferent attitude towards their children, allow their children's unruly behavior to go their own way, and lack parent-child communication, it will be difficult for children to develop good self-control.

Only by communicating more with children and understanding their psychological development and inner needs in a timely manner can parents better guide their children to shape good character and behavioral habits. When children are young, you can make demands on their behavior in terms of living habits and intentionally cultivate their behavioral habits of abiding by rules. For example, require children to get up and go to bed on time, eat on time, and not be partial or picky about food.

As children grow older, the development of their self-control focuses on social moral norms and social responsibility. For example, children are required to abide by collective rules and discipline in a group, and not to infringe on the interests of others at will. In the process of educating their children, parents should adhere to consistent requirements and principles for a long time, not give in or make changes at will, and gradually the children will learn to control and restrain themselves.

5. Parents are overindulgent and regard their children as the center of the family

Spoiling children is a taboo for parents in educating their children, and the Li Tianyi incident is a good example. In modern families, due to the only child relationship, parents tend to regard their children as the center of the family. Therefore, as long as the child wants something, parents will try their best to meet his or her requests. This leads to the child's self-centered and arrogant character. If a child wants a toy or candy, parents will soften and agree to their child’s request after a few tears. In fact, parents should stick to their own opinions and let children understand that no means no and there is no point in acting wildly.

Parents can teach their children to divert their attention and learn to wait. In the park, the baby is clamoring to play on the swing, but other children are playing there. The mother can let the child play on the slide first and then he can play this one when it is his turn later.

Parents can also use the method of delayed gratification to train their children's self-control. For example, when buying toys, parents can make an agreement with their baby in advance that if they want to buy a toy or eat something, they must use the "five-pointed stars" accumulated over time to exchange for it. The "five-pointed star" is the "reward" that babies receive when they perform well. Generally, after the baby accumulates 5 or 10 times, the "five-pointed star" can satisfy his or her needs. The process of the baby getting a "reward" is a kind of waiting.

Most modern families adopt the "421" model. The educational concepts of the older generation are very different from those of young parents. The mother restricts the baby from eating snacks, but the grandmother turns around and stuffs the snacks into the baby's mouth. The children are caught in the middle and don’t know who to listen to.

When it comes to educating children, there can only be one set of principles, and they must be adhered to. Family members must first reach a consensus on the educational philosophy of their children through communication. At the same time, when educating children, they should not establish rules through coercion. Instead, they should create a good atmosphere and good conditions for their children. By discussing and communicating with their children, they should establish a "family code of rules" that everyone abides by. Parents can set role models for their children while also allowing their children to consciously and voluntarily develop good living habits.

Parents can also establish some reward systems to encourage children to maintain good behavior. For example, the mother and the baby agree that if the baby can get up on time more than five times a week, the mother will reward the baby with his favorite cake. If the family has such a set of "family rules" and "reward system", it can effectively reduce the disagreements among family members on the education of children.

In the process of cultivating children's good behavioral habits, adults should insist on reasoning with children and let them know the truth of "do this and don't do that". Let children use these truths to evaluate and judge whether their behavior is right or wrong. In this way, they will use this to restrain themselves from doing things that they should not do, and the children's self-control ability will gradually be cultivated.