Psychological education for children between 0 and 7 years old

Children's education is a very important course, but in China, the education level is really disappointing and regrettable. Not long ago, I saw a video online, in which a one-year-old American child took off his clothes, turned on the faucet, took a bath, dressed himself, ate by himself, and slept with his mouth toy. I am afraid that these are impossible in China. Why is it so?

This is because Chinese parents indulge their children too much and have relatively conservative ideas about education. They believe that such young children should not know anything and must be helped by their parents. Their parents continue to help their children until they are even 10 years old and do not know how to bathe, change clothes or eat by themselves.

This is such a tragedy.

So what should Chinese parents learn from this case? How should they educate their children from zero to seven years old?

What a child needs from 0 to 4 years old. Some parents ask, does my child still need to listen when he is 16 years old? Well, if this part of the child is not filled when he is 0-6 years old, he will have many situations and problems when he is searching throughout his life.

I can only cry, but I want you to accept me unconditionally

0-3 months, when a child is born, the first nutrition he needs is: unconditional acceptance. A newborn baby is very fragile and cannot find food on his own. He has to wait for his parents to feed him and needs his parents to help him, comfort him and take care of him. The child knows everything, but he can't speak. He has many needs, but he can only express them by crying. He needs his parents to accept him unconditionally. You don’t know whether I will be filial in the future, you can’t tell whether I am good-looking or not, and you don’t know whether I am well-behaved or not. But you love me unconditionally, even though you know nothing!

The second nutrition: Not forever, but at least at this moment, I am the most important in your life. That is what we call: NO.1 in life. Children, you need to realize that I am the most important person in your life. Even if you are very busy or in poor health, but I am hungry, uncomfortable or sick, you can immediately put everything aside and satisfy me first. Then I will know that I am the most important in your life.

For a mother, it is not difficult to do this. Because after giving birth, the mother will secrete something called endogenous amine. With the secretion of endogenous amines, the mother will be willing to provide everything for her child. Physically, it means providing milk; psychologically, it means loving the child unconditionally. In Hahaha's eyes, children are the most beautiful and perfect. And no matter what the child needs, it will be met. The child is also the greatest satisfaction in the mother's heart. Nothing is more important than children.

However, if, within 3 months, the mother's mood changes for some reason and she fails to secrete endocrine normally. Then the father has to take responsibility. Watch over the kids, take care of the kids, protect the wife. If the parents of a child under 3 months old often quarrel and fight during his growth, both of them will spend all their energy on quarreling and will not be able to take care of the child. The child will find someone else to replace him or her as they grow up. That is another important other.

Expect unconditional acceptance from this person. I hope to be the most important person in this person's life. Then the child will do this throughout his life until he finds that significant other. When he goes to primary school, he will look for his primary school teacher. When he goes to middle school, he will look for his lover. He will fall in love very early. He will hope that someone can treat him like that and regard him as the most important person in his life. If he can't find that, he will grow up with this expectation and get married with this expectation.

After we get married, he will keep asking me all day long, what position do I occupy in your life? He will talk and ask again and again. Am I the most important person in your life? If I am willful, if I am bad and terrible, will you still love me and treat me like that? He will keep looking for an answer, which will cause him to encounter many problems in interpersonal relationships. Become his lack. Unable to do anything meaningful because there are so many troubles. He is unable to study or work well, and as he grows up, his body will naturally go looking for that important other.

I want a sense of security and a stable relationship between my parents.

From 4 months on, the child enters another stage. The child wants to separate. Find a way to be an independent person. He was originally connected to his mother, but when he was born, he experienced physical separation from the mother's body. From four months old, he begins the process of psychologically cutting the umbilical cord with his mother or father.

If this process is not done well, the child will never know how to be independent. At this time, what he needs psychological nourishment is: a sense of security. This is something that children do from 4 months to 3 years old. What is a sense of security? It means that the relationship between his father and Hahaha is stable. In this case, if the mother is stable, then the child does not have to worry at all. The child will naturally go through this separation period and feel very secure.

If the child feels safe from the mother, he will separate a little. If he feels even more secure, he will separate a little more. Children under the age of 3 do not know what "I" is or who "I" is. There would be no experience like mine. This is why most children have no memories before the age of 3.

The more sense of security a child absorbs, the more he will separate. This is a natural psychological process for children. As long as we provide him with psychological nutrition and mental health, he will keep experimenting, and then he will keep leaving and coming back, leaving and coming back. . . This is something that will be done from the age of 4 months to 3 years old. Without this process, the child and his mother would remain in a symbiotic period. He thought he and his mother were the same person. Thought he was one with his mother and father.

What to do about the terrible twos?

This is the time when we enter a headache-inducing period in raising children: the terrible twos. Why is it scary? Because at this age the child wants to be independent, but he is also one with his mother. At this time, they have very high demands on their mothers. Whenever they see their mother around them, they have to react. But when you really want to help them, they disagree. At this time, the two words he said most often were: No. If you insist on helping him, he will oppose you. All of this is because the child is struggling to become an independent person.

Well, many children have a lot of deficiencies at this time. How do we know that there will be such deficiencies? You will see many children, when they are 4, 5, 6, 7 or teens, they will still pull at the corner of your clothes. Naturally, when it is time to go to school, they will hold the pillars at home and refuse to go out. Because he can't separate. This is because he does not have enough mental nourishment at this stage, that is, he does not have enough sense of security, and without a sense of security, he has no way to separate.

He will not be able to become an independent and emotionally connected person. To be connected with others through emotions is to connect with others through emotions. If he didn't, his whole being would be filled with fear and terror. What we can do for our children at this time is to pay close attention to the relationship between husband and wife. The best thing you can give to your children is not material things. Children are so young that they don’t need so many material things. Instead, it is a good relationship between parents. If his parents have a good relationship, he will naturally be happy, because the child’s world is his parents. If parents often quarrel and blame each other, the child will be afraid, and when he cannot express his fear, he will use many strange behaviors to deal with it.

So when we see our children behaving strangely, it means that the child does not know how to deal with his own emotions. The relationship between husband and wife is the most important during the first few years of a child's growth. On the other hand, mothers should not be too anxious. A mother who is too anxious finds it difficult to let go of her children.

We often like to do what we think is best for our children. We often tell our children what to do and what not to do. In fact, the best thing at this time is for us to sit aside and let the children experiment with their growth according to their own needs. . When he runs back and asks for a hug, hold him up. After holding him for a while, you will find that he feels safe and wants to get down again, so put him down. The worst thing is that when we are in a good mood today, we pick up the child and play with him. But when we are very busy, the child comes and we tell him, "No, no, go find XXX." This is not good, the children will be confused.

The best case scenario is that it's not hard. Mom and dad don’t have to work so hard, and neither do the children. So, parents, just sit there and let your children see your face. Wait until he comes over and asks you to hold him. If he doesn’t want to be held, let him play and don’t disturb him. If he invites you to play, play with him. As long as we do this and let it happen naturally, our children will be able to get through this period well. Truly become an independent person both physically and mentally.

A mother's greatest function is to give her children a sense of security

So we believe that the best function of a mother is to give her children a sense of security. How do you give your children a sense of security? If you are emotionally stable, your children will naturally feel safe. Even when it comes to building a sense of security, Hahahaha's function is greater than dad's. Because the child’s separation is mainly from Hahaha. However, an insecure mother will often be anxious, afraid that her child will grow up, afraid of this and that, and may lose control of her emotions. Can't make the children feel at ease.

If the mother doesn't feel safe, then the child will not feel safe either. So moms need to stay calm. For children, the best mother is one who is willing to learn and keep herself emotionally stable, so that the children will feel safe. Grow with your child. The most important thing is to sit aside, but you know what he needs and when he comes to you with a need, you have to satisfy him. Once satisfied, he will naturally go away. The mother also needs to reflect on herself. If she is emotional, she must find a way to deal with her emotions before facing her child. Don't pass your emotions on to your children.

Why does the child always bother you? It is because he does not get what he needs, so he keeps wanting it! In fact, he does not need a lot. You cannot say, "When I like it, I give her this and that to eat, and when I am unhappy, I push her aside." What he actually wants is not much, he just wants you to hug him when he wants you to hug him! In this way, the child gradually separates from the mother, then from the father, until he is completely separated and becomes an independent individual, and at this time he has an "I".

What 4-5 year old children need most is affirmation

When he has this "I", when he is 4-5 years old, the psychological nutrition he needs is: affirmation, praise, and recognition. In this part, father is more important than mother. A father's praise, affirmation and recognition of his child, whether it is a son or a daughter, carries particularly heavy weight. If a father is willing to say to his child seriously: "My child, I like you very much. I am very glad that you are my child." The child will remember these words for the rest of his life and will be happy for the rest of his life.

If dad is in this part, he will be very happy. If dad is in this part, he will be very happy. If dad is in this part, he will be very happy.

Then he will be able to face his life with confidence. To face various problems and difficulties in his life. Ask dad to do this. Be willing to affirm your children and express to them: I like you very much, you are a bang! At the trust level, a father’s affirmation carries more weight than a “hahahaha” affirmation.

The difference between a father and a mother is that if a father is positive about a girl, she will feel that she is a good girl and a good woman. For a boy, he will feel that he is a very good boy in terms of the male part as a son. Fathers play a greater role in gender identity. The reason why there are so many gay men in society is that many of them have problems in their relationship with their fathers. Let the father affirm and praise him, and the child will go through this period smoothly.

The role models that 6-7 year olds need to learn from

The psychological nutrition that children aged 6-7 need is: learning, cognition, and modeling. During this period, there needs to be someone who can serve as a role model for the child. This model can help him solve the following problems: What should I do when I encounter a problem? What should I do if I am in a bad mood? What should I do if I have a different opinion from others? Tell him how to manage his emotions and how to deal with the problems in his life. He needs to learn, and this learning comes from a model.

If a child can have these: First, he needs others to accept him unconditionally and make him think that he is the most important. Next, he needs a sense of security so that he can be independent, and then he needs affirmation, praise and recognition. Before the age of seven, he needs to learn cognitive models. This is the most important psychological nutrition. Of course, as he grows up, he will be able to make choices and will need more abilities in life. But psychologically, his most important period is before the age of seven.

If the child is given enough psychological nutrition before the age of seven, he will naturally have the vitality to learn new things. If not, if there is a lack, he cannot have adult goals. He will always be in a state of searching. Let others affirm him and praise him. He is unable to exert the vitality of a person of his age.

It is best to start this psychological nutrition early. If not, there is no question of whether it is too late or not. You can start whenever you realize you have discovered it. If you see any signs, start taking action now. If there is a missing part, the first thing to be dealt with must be the relationship between the mother and father, or the relationship between the mother and father and the child. Then give him affirmation and tell him that he is important. Be willing to listen to him and meet his needs when they arise.

The child's initial psychological nourishment must be provided by that important other. The important others are first of all parents, or grandparents, or aunts. However, whether the latter two can be achieved depends on the child’s personality. As for why a child would choose mom and dad as the first important others, there is no reason, just like people looking for a partner to fall in love with. But if parents do not act as this important other. If the child does not choose any other option, the child will definitely suffer from psychological deficiencies.

Summary: It is not an easy task to educate children well. Although we have seen successful cases of foreigners educating their children, the concepts in China cannot keep up. So whether children are educated well or not depends on whether parents’ ideas and consciousness can truly and courageously abandon conservative ideas and boldly let children become self-reliant.