Reasons why children are disobedient

All parents hope that their children are sensible, obedient, beautiful and cute, but some of their children’s behaviors always make their parents very angry. In fact, children are still in a period of exploring the world and are curious about many things in the world. Therefore, it is very easy for them to do some abnormal behaviors that contradict their parents' ideas. When a child is disobedient, it is very important to understand the reasons behind the child's behavior.

Why don't children listen?

They are curious

Kids are curious – yes! They want to know what is a lie, what is a reason, how is it possible, who did this, can they do this too, and many more weird questions, like this, are in their minds all the time as they grow up. If you ask them not to do something, they will be curious to know what would happen if they did that thing. They love to test your limits and you have to face it with patience and love. You can't get angry because that will make them more stubborn. You have to explain well why you are asking them not to do or to do something.

They are confused

Kids are really confused – they’re experiencing new things every day in this new world. They are grappling with how to act, how to behave, what is more important, what is less important, and a lot of things like that. They begin to differentiate between different rules and reason about emotions and decisions. They will be confused in deciding whether it is right or wrong to obey your orders. So they tend to disobey.

They are picky

Introducing new things to children is difficult. They become very picky at a very young age. Especially when it comes to clothing, leisure activities, food, and friendships, making your own choices is very obvious and important. Their personal identity, their personal sphere, their emotional well-being – all of these are important to them, and they tend to do things the way they think is right. If you have a view that is unlikely to be what they think, that may cause them to disobey you.

They are moody

Sometimes your child just doesn't want to listen to you. They’re moody, they want to do things that they think will make them happy, or they want to do things that they think will drive you crazy. This is a bad reason to disobey, but you may have to deal with it. It is difficult for them to fight their emotions when they become stubborn and obstinate; they simply willfully disobey.

They want attention

Kids love attention. They want the whole crowd to look at them, or talk to them. They will disobey you and do things you asked them not to do so that you will go to them and ask them why they did something they shouldn't have done.

What should parents do if their children are disobedient?

1. Establish rules

Sometimes children are disobedient and unwilling to cooperate with their parents because they do not understand or have forgotten the rules of behavior. Reminding the child again can allow the child to experience and understand, but pay attention to the expression and tone of voice. Do not shout. Use a firm and gentle tone to explain or make requests to the child. At this time, we parents must remember to speak softly in crowded places, so as not to disturb others and make it easier for children to accept. For example, when we go shopping, we can say to our children: "We are going to buy a gift for grandma today and we are not going to buy anything else." When parents explain rules to their children, they should avoid assuming that their children will be disobedient. For example, "You have to tell me hundreds of times before I listen to you." This will make children more willful and stubborn.

2. Be a role model

Although young children know the instructions and rules, they have difficulty deciding what to do. When he doesn't act or accept instructions, we think the child is disobedient. Therefore, while letting the child understand the rules of action, you should also guide him (her) on how to do it. For example, how to arrange books, how to put away toys, how to sit, how to speak, etc.

3. Serious conversation

When children are disobedient, adults use "scolding" or "punishment" to deal with it. It is often easy for subjective anger, excitement, fatigue, and boredom to infiltrate the handling of the behavior, causing the child to feel physical pain and discomfort (corporal punishment), psychological fear, and suppression of his will. Therefore, it is difficult for the child to accept the parents' long-winded preaching, reflect on his own bad behavior, and it is even more difficult to correct the child's inappropriate behavior.

At this time, if we parents have a "serious talk" with our children, the children will understand. For example, temporarily stopping his (her) actions or behaviors, asking him (her) to go to a corner, and having a good talk with him (her) may inspire the child's conscience and make him (her) think about his (her) inappropriate behavior better than scolding and punishing him (her).

4. Be patient and correct

We often find that the reason why children are disobedient is mostly because parents make different types of mistakes in the process of educating their children, which in the long run causes bad behavior in children. For example, some parents believe that it is natural for children to be willful, mischievous, and disobedient when they are young, and that they will become better or more obedient as they grow up. Children's behavior is cumulative, and in the long run they will become more disobedient and even rebellious.

Children's behavior is cumulative. Good behavior accumulates into good habits and good morals, and vice versa. The development and education of behavior are long-term, so disobedient behavior also requires long-term correction and education. If children are rude to others or behave in other disobedient ways, parents cannot turn a deaf ear to it but must take responsibility for correcting them at all times. If we lack this patience, we are actually condoning our children to be more impolite and disobedient.

5. Joint education

Children have a strong sense of social awareness, honor and self-esteem. Parents can take advantage of their children's concern about what others think in kindergarten or among their friends to correct their bad behavior.

It is very important for parents to treat their children with patience and calmness no matter what stage they reach. Avoid hitting your children and abusing them if they disobey you. Teaching discipline is education. You can interfere in their moral areas (like not hitting or stealing), but you have to be very careful about interfering in their personal areas (like which friends they can hang out with, or what clothes they should wear). You can set limits and consequences and serve as a role model. But as long as your child is not always disobedient, you don't need to worry too much.

Why do children disobey? How to deal with extremely disobedient children patiently? Is it right to punish and discipline disobedient children? Discuss here.