How to save your child after losing his temper

Parents are human beings, not gods, so they have all kinds of emotions such as joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness. Parents are not always angry, always gentle and firm, and always calm and not losing their composure. No matter who you are, as a first-time parent, you will feel grievances and sadness. There are so many things that are not easy. What parents feel the most sorry for are their children. Parents feel very hurt after getting angry with their children. Therefore, parents also need to learn how to retain their children after they have lost their temper.

In fact, parenting methods are always used as a reference for our self-improvement, rather than absolute rules and regulations used to attack parents and make them feel guilty. If parents feel too guilty about their mistakes, it will affect the parent-child relationship.

Because, in the process of raising children, there will definitely be things that make parents angry, and it is almost inevitable. At the same time, parents also believe that being angry, upset, and letting your emotions get out of control is not good. Therefore, after losing their temper with their children, they always feel very guilty, worrying that their anger will hurt their children’s young hearts. So they cry, feel guilty, compromise, regret, and even punish themselves. If this scene keeps repeating itself, the child will continue to be willful and the parents will continue to collapse. The parent-child relationship is likely to reach a deadlock.

Parents have a right to be angry. Because negative emotions like anger are good for us. Anger is one of the basic human emotions, a product of human evolution, and a skill for the survival of the fittest. Studies have shown that tears shed in anger can kill a mouse in 5 seconds. So through anger, we eliminate toxins from the body and become healthy; through anger, we understand our own emotions and attitudes and our minds grow; by controlling anger, our wisdom increases. As my respected teacher Gesan Zeren said, "Anger and happiness are equally important to people." Moreover, education can never be perfect, and anger is inevitably indispensable.

So, if you can't help but get angry with your child, if you are really irritated by your child's behavior, please do this:

1. Anger is coming! First of all, accept the fact: I am angry! I have the right to be angry, and I accept the reality that I am angry. No need to feel guilty or ashamed. Let your child know how you feel about him or her at this moment.

2. Secondly, express your feelings and concerns about your child objectively. For example: I am angry because I am worried about you; instead of saying: Why are you always such a headache, kid! Don't bring up old issues, label your children, or make indiscriminate accusations.

3. Finally, you can directly tell your child what your expectations are and how he or she can do better. This can clearly point out to children an effective way to avoid getting into trouble or solve problems.

4. If you fail to do the above 3 steps when you get angry, please have an emotional exchange with your child the moment you realize that something is wrong and feel guilty (preferably on the same day), including telling your child why you are angry (you love him, but just don’t like his wrong behavior); saying sorry for your out-of-control emotions (just say sorry for your out-of-control emotions, don’t give up the principles you insisted on before in order to make it up to your child, otherwise all your efforts will be in vain), and finally discuss with your child again the thing that caused you to get angry, including your expectations for your child, and set rules and make an agreement on certain things.

5. If you don’t know how to say sorry to your child, or are still worried that your child will be affected by your negative emotions, try picture books. I really like "The Screaming and Angry Mom", a picture book with the theme of parental anger. It is suitable for parents to read when they want to review and digest the negative impact of the last time they lost control of their emotions with their children. The story of the picture book is as follows: