A kind of mentality can ruin a child's life

A few days ago, I received a psychological consultation from a 4th grade girl named Xiaojun. Her mother told me some stories about the children.

It turns out that Xiaojun is a very beautiful and smart girl, and both her parents and teachers like her very much. But gradually, she became extremely competitive and could not tolerate anyone being better than her.

Once, a classmate bought a very beautiful skirt and everyone praised it. This made her secretly jealous, so she started to say bad things about this classmate behind her back... Also, if other classmates did better than her on the exam, she would talk about how they knew the questions behind her back.

The most serious incident was when she was running for class committee, and her deskmate actually got more votes than her. Because of this, she went home and couldn't sleep, burning with jealousy. In the end, he even wrote an article titled "Sacrificing Youth to Become a Class Committee Member" and posted it online, causing great defamation to his classmates' reputation.

Because of this incident, the school suspended her for one year and asked her to reflect on her mistakes at home.

This incident gave her mother a headache, and she had no choice but to seek psychological counseling.

Jealousy is a natural emotion and everyone feels jealous. Although jealousy is an understandable and normal emotional response, it does not mean that parents can just let it go and do nothing. Because of frequent jealousy, it will evolve into a part of the personality.

Jealousy is a termite in children's study and life. It is a corrosive agent that destroys friendship and unity among children. Its harmfulness cannot be underestimated.

First of all, it is not conducive to learning progress, and is detrimental to both oneself and others. It is a good thing that some children dare to be advanced and stand out in school. However, some children will have some extreme reactions because of their excessive desire to stand out. For example, they cannot stand the teacher praising other students, and they are jealous of those who are better than themselves. They regard them as thorns in their eyes and thorns in their flesh, and they are picky and belittle them. This is a very unhealthy behavior, which affects the normal development of children and is not conducive to the formation of a healthy personality.

Secondly, it will drive others away from you and seriously damage your interpersonal relationships. When a person is deeply jealous of others, he or she will stop at nothing to spread rumors, speak ill of others, sow discord, and retaliate, as in the case above. If this goes on for a long time, others will alienate you, exclude you, and you will become isolated. This is not conducive to the formation of good interpersonal relationships and has a great impact on children's mental health.

The worst thing is that the jealous person will feel tormented and painful inside. Because once he sees that others are better than himself or more popular and favored, he will feel very painful because of jealousy. Because they cannot correctly view the progress and achievements of others, and think that the progress of others is a derogation of themselves, they will naturally have a painful experience psychologically.

If this negative emotion continues, it will be very detrimental to the individual's physical and mental health, and will cause a variety of psychological problems and diseases.

In addition, jealousy not only causes pain and psychological imbalance to oneself, but also causes a certain blow to the person being envied. From this we can see that jealousy is an extremely harmful mentality and parents must never take it lightly.

How should parents help their children get out of the shadow of jealousy? Here are some suggestions for you.

Know what your child is jealous of

Children have limited knowledge and often develop a mentality that shifts from envy to jealousy when they see something that others have but they do not or cannot have. This is actually a very normal phenomenon.

Parents should communicate more with their children and understand the direct causes of their children's jealousy in a timely manner. Only in this way can they start from specific things and solve their children's jealousy. This is also the prerequisite for solving children’s jealousy problem.

Listen more to your child’s inner thoughts

Children's jealousy often has obvious external manifestations, which are not as complicated as those of adults, and are not mixed with many social factors. It may simply be an instinctive psychological reaction of the child to the inability to realize his or her wishes.

Therefore, parents must remember not to criticize their children blindly. They should first listen to their children's distress patiently and try to understand their inner painful emotions. Only in this way can their negative emotions be vented and released. This is a way to deal with children's jealousy.

Help children correctly analyze the causes of the gap

Children's thinking is often intuitive, and they do not have the ability to conduct a comprehensive analysis of things. Generally they will simply attribute their jealousy to themselves or the object of their jealousy without considering other factors.

Parents should help their children comprehensively analyze the reasons for the gap between the children and the objects of their jealousy, and find ways and methods to narrow the gap. Teach your children to compare themselves with others correctly and face these gaps with a positive attitude, so as to truly resolve the inner imbalance.

Cultivate children to develop an open-minded and optimistic character

Children should be educated to understand the objective differences between people. They should understand that everyone has their own advantages and strengths, but at the same time everyone also has their own shortcomings. It is impossible to be better than others in all aspects.

Guide children to give full play to their strengths, play to their strengths and avoid their weaknesses, learn to face the advantages of others with appreciation in life and study, and learn to cheer for the success of others. And learn and draw lessons from them to make up for your own shortcomings. This way you can not only make a lot of friends, but also make yourself better.

Jealousy is an issue that cannot be avoided in a child’s growth process. In fact, it is not terrible. The key lies in how to overcome it. When facing children's jealousy, parents need to be rational and patient so that they can correctly guide their children towards a healthy path of self-development.