What are the eight behaviors that hurt children the most?

Parents who have not received a good education will make many wrong behaviors in educating their children. For example, most parents will make a mistake, that is, educating their children from their own perspective and will not consider the issue from the perspective of the children. Therefore, many of the things they say and do will make children uncomfortable. In particular, the following behaviors that parents often engage in can easily hurt children.

The eight behaviors that hurt children the most:

Husband and wife sabotage each other

Parents are the closest people to their children and are their entire world.

First of all, the principles of family education must be consistent, that is, there must be a consensus. If a couple has different principles in educating their children, who should the child listen to? If grandparents also get involved, who will the children listen to then? The child will definitely choose the one who will be fine if he hides behind him. It will be difficult to teach him at this time, so the couple should communicate more.

In addition, educating children requires cooperation between husband and wife.

If you are a mother, you would say to your son: "Son, mom has done so much for you, you must be filial to her." Can you say it? Doesn’t it feel weird? At this time, the father should teach his children to be filial to their mother. The father said: "Son, you must be filial to your mother. Why? Because mom had a very hard time when she was pregnant, and now she still has to go to work every day and get up early to cook for her." You have to tell your child about all the hard work your mother has done. Educating your child in this way will help him or her appreciate the kindness of his or her mother.

The last and most important point. If parents often quarrel, slander each other, sabotage each other, or even fight, it will not only cause fear in the child and destroy the child's sense of security, but may even make the child disrespect their parents. What’s more serious is that it will affect the child’s future view on choosing a spouse.

Nagging is a small knife

Someone on Zhihu raised this question: When do you dislike your parents the most?

The most liked post is: when parents nag.

Maybe you would say: Nagging comes from love for your children.

But it's important to remember that excessive nagging may push your child in the opposite direction.

Blurred awareness of parent-child boundaries

A junior high school boy is addicted to his mobile phone every day. When he comes home, he puts on headphones to watch videos and play games. He always ignores people, which makes his parents very worried.

Later, the nanny discovered that there was a keyhole-sized hole on the child’s bedroom door, and the parents used this hole to observe the child’s movements from time to time.

The childcare worker said that it is this behavior of the parents that makes the child feel that his or her privacy has been invaded.

Hedong Lion Roar

A friend said to me, "The child is really my own. I yelled at him one second, and the next second he jumped into my arms and said, 'Mom loves you.'"

After hearing this, I didn’t feel happy for my friend, but instead felt a little worried about the child who was often yelled at.

Maybe you would say:

“I can’t do that!”

"I can't control myself!"

"There's no other way. Only when I get angry will the child be obedient!"

But have you ever thought that children who have been yelled at are actually already scarred, but it’s just not visible.

He will try to please others with all his might, he will forgive without any conditions, and he will never care about the bad attitude someone has shown him in the past.

That's because he loves in this way.

Children's love is truly unconditional. And what? Are there any conditions attached?

Unprincipled compromise

Many parents have "sharp words but soft hearts". For example, they tell their children in advance that they can only buy one toy at a time when shopping in a mall and can only watch TV for half an hour at a time.

However, often, we cannot resist the children’s persistence. Whenever the child cries and makes a fuss, the parents compromise and buy toys one after another, extending the child's TV watching time again and again.

Parents’ compromise will only make children think that rules are unimportant and make them mistakenly believe that all rules can be trampled upon at will.

Parents must learn to say "no" to their children's unreasonable requests. When rejecting a child, do not rush to argue with the child. You can wait until the child calms down afterwards and then explain the reason.

It is worth noting that children must be spoken to with respect and equality so that they will accept opinions.

Make your child obedient

Psychologist Wu Zhihong said at the "Qi Pa Conference" that being obedient is a scam passed down from generation to generation.

The most common personality type that obedient children develop is the "people-pleasing personality".

A child with a people-pleasing personality has a very low sense of self-identity. They will suppress their own preferences and try hard to please others, even if they don't like that person at all.

Let children be children, allow them to be willful, allow them to say "no", and give them the right to choose. Parents should stop and listen carefully to their children's inner thoughts instead of blindly asking their children to be "obedient".

Not keeping one's word

The China Youth Research Center once found in a nationwide survey that among the 12 behaviors of parents that primary and secondary school students are most dissatisfied with, "not keeping promises" accounted for 43.6%, ranking first.

Always have your phone with you

Some people say that the number one killer that destroys children is not beating or scolding, nor divorce, but mobile phones.

Parents' behavior of playing with mobile phones not only threatens their children's personal safety, but also damages the parent-child relationship.

An American elementary school teacher assigned a composition assignment to her second-grade students. The topic was: What is your least favorite invention and why don’t you like it?

Four of the children wrote that they wished mobile phones had never been invented because their parents were too dependent on them.