Check out the four most irrational parent-child communication methods

Communication is the most important way to cultivate feelings between parents and children, and it is also a bridge for mutual understanding. In daily life, the way parents communicate with their children often affects the formation of their children's personality or their growth process. However, many parents do not pay attention to this problem, resulting in many unnecessary consequences. For example, some parents inadvertently use some irrational words, which may potentially hurt the child's self-esteem and make the child more rebellious; others may make the child develop a bad character, etc. If you have used the following four methods when talking to your baby, you should reflect on yourself.

1. Blaming and complaining communication

In Xiao Wu's home, Xiao Wu's mother is often heard saying: "Oh! Look, you've made your clothes dirty again! I've been following you around to wash clothes all day, and I'm your servant!", "You haven't played enough! You don't do your homework, I wonder when you can become an adult!", "Look at your desk, it's so messy, can't you clean it up!"... these words. These words all have one common feature - accusation and complaint.

However, this type of blaming and complaining communication often forms a "black triangle of mutual accusation" in the family. In such a "black triangle", everyone is likely to have a relatively fixed object of blame, and family problems often end in unresolved and unpleasant situations amid mutual accusations and complaints. The problem is ultimately not truly resolved, and becomes an unresolved incident.

Tips: Change the way you speak

As the saying goes, "Carrying straw on a rainy day will make it heavier the more you carry it." The more unresolved issues there are in a family, the more boring or tense family life will become, and the more crises will be lurking. This is a very destructive family communication pattern. The person being accused either accepts it submissively or rebels and becomes aggressive, which is extremely detrimental to the development of the child's personality. Therefore, we should be less critical and more caring. Try changing the way we say things. For example, "Your desk is messy, can't you clean it up?" can be changed to "Child, your desk is a little messy, you need to clean it up. Being a clean child is the only way to be lovable."

2. Accommodating and pleasing communication

In Xiaojing's home, you would often hear: "Oh! Mom didn't know you didn't like this dish, so just eat less. What do you want to eat? I'll buy it tomorrow.", "What? The compass I bought for you is for elementary school students? Sorry, I'll buy it again tomorrow."... These indulgent words have caused Xiaojing to gradually develop a bad habit of being spoiled.

Families that practice accommodating and pleasing communication usually appear harmonious on the surface, but they lack genuine love among family members. Moreover, their children may develop bad personality traits such as being dependent and stubborn, weak and willful. In addition, this kind of communication is not a real problem-solving communication. It is a "solution" to the problem by avoiding it. It is also a communication that lacks constructive functions.

Tips: Don’t meet all requirements

If the baby is in this kind of accommodating and pleasing communication mode, he or she will easily become willful. As long as the parents accommodate him or her, he or she will rarely accommodate the parents. If parents love their children, they should love them as independent individuals who can take on their own responsibilities, instead of indulging and pleasing their children and spoiling them all the time, which will spoil the children.

The requests made by children should not be met 100%. Children should be taught to strive for what they want. If they want toys, you can ask them to help you wash the dishes and do housework, and then reward them after they have completed their work. This will prevent children from developing bad habits of being spoiled!

3. Interrupting and nagging communication

At Xiaobai's home, you will occasionally hear: "Mom. We are going on a spring outing tomorrow, and the teacher said each person has to pay 5 yuan." "We have to pay again? How much money have we spent on you since you started school? When we went on the spring outing back then, we just took a bottle of boiled water and two sesame cakes and walked to the suburbs by ourselves without buying tickets. Look at it now, the water and electricity bills alone are dozens of dollars a month. You have to pay for the spring outing, and you must have some pocket money. Money is not easy to earn..." A simple sentence, but it leads to so many words and things. This type of nagging parent usually seems to be dealing with their child's problems, but in fact they are dealing with their own chaotic emotions.

Generally speaking, these interrupting and nagging parents don't care much about their children's true emotions. They get entangled in many meaningless trivial matters, and the biggest feeling they give to their children is that they are nagging and annoying. The manifestation of this communication breakdown is that on the surface both parties are talking, and it may last for a long time, but there is no exchange of information at all. On one side, the parents are chattering incessantly, while on the other side, the children are getting irritated and anxious, hoping that the nagging will end soon, and they simply don't listen to what the parents are saying.

Warm Tips: Pay more attention to your children and be less verbose

This completely ineffective communication not only fails to solve the problem, but also causes children to have adolescent problems, rebelliousness and resistance. It is worth noting that at this time what the child resists is the parents' nagging, not what the parents say. At this time, parents must understand that it is your nagging that causes your children to reject what you say, which may be very reasonable and important. Pay more attention to your children and nag less.

4. Super rational communication

The last type is at Xiaoxiao's house, "Mom, I want to buy a mechanical pencil." "Why do you want to buy it?" "The original one was broken." "How come the one you just bought is broken? Why don't you take care of things?" "Okay, don't break it again next time. Children should learn to take care of things." There are super rational conversations like this. In this kind of super rational communication, parents have too strong awareness of "education" and "regulation", and they look at their children through filters. All the achievements and advantages of the children are filtered out, and only shortcomings and dangers are left. Parents never forget to criticize, warn and regulate their children at any time.

This is a type of communication that seriously lacks the child's emotions and is particularly prone to causing parent-child relationship disorders. Sometimes, we can see a lot of "good" effects on children in the short term, but in the long run, it is very detrimental to the development of children's personality. Parent-child conflicts often break out after children enter puberty.

Some children may be very well-behaved "good students" throughout their school years, but may experience various adaptation barriers when they enter society or later. Rigidity, lack of enthusiasm, stubbornness, paranoia, poor social skills, etc. often become the personality traits of children who grow up in a super rational family communication environment.

Tips: Ask your child more about his or her needs

For example, when a child asks to buy new stationery, parents can ask in a caring tone: "Is the old stationery broken? Mom can buy you a better quality one?" and so on. Firstly, you can ask your child why he or she wants to buy stationery. Secondly, you can express your care and let the child feel the love of his or her parents.