Lazy mothers raise diligent children

Nowadays, parents protect their children too well and don't let them do many things. There are also many parents who only let their children study and never let their children do housework, for fear of affecting their children's grades. My mother does all the housework at home alone. In fact, as long as the mother lets go, the child can grow up quickly. So, can a lazy mother raise a diligent child?

There is never a shortage of good mothers around us, and there are loving mothers everywhere who love their children dearly. The tenderness and breadth of maternal love can nourish a child's heart, but if this love turns into doting, it can become a very destructive weapon.

1. A mother who is too “diligent” will deprive her child of the opportunity to grow

A few days ago, a friend complained to me that her son was over one year old and crawled and ran everywhere all day long. Because she was afraid that the child would fall, she had to follow the child non-stop. I had back pain all day, and a few days ago I couldn't stand it anymore, so I let my husband take care of the baby for half a day. I went to the hospital for a check-up and found out I had lumbar disc herniation.

Can you say that this girl born in the 1990s is not a good mother? But can a mother who follows her child around 24 hours a day, holds the baby in her mouth for fear that it will melt, and holds it in her hands for fear that it will fall, help her baby grow up quickly?

I remember a few days ago when Hanhan and I went out to play, the little girl fell down when we walked to the door. I stood there calmly waiting for her to get up, because the habit I developed since childhood was that as long as I judged that her fall was not serious, she could just get up by herself and brush off the dirt. When she was little, Han would cry a few times, but later, seeing that I was calm, she was too lazy to pretend anymore.

But the auntie at the door refused to accept it. She angrily accused me, "How do you take care of a child as a mother? Look how you dropped the child. Are you a real mother? You didn't even help him up!"

In that aunt’s eyes, I must be a “bad mother”. But she never knew what I had gained. Although Hanhan would hum most of the time, I think it's normal for a girl. After all, I don't want her to be a "tomboy". But she is also a stubborn girl who has her own opinions, loves to explore everything, and will not give in when faced with difficulties.

If I had overprotected her when she was a child and not dared to let her be herself. And they keep reminding her in her ears, "Be careful," "It's dangerous," "Don't fall." If the child is full of insecurity about the world, how can she have the courage to explore the world?

So, I would rather be a bad mother. I also don't want my self-righteousness to hinder her growth!

2. Lazier moms make their children more independent

Eva is Hanhan's good friend. We live in the same community. Her family moved back from abroad last year. I remember that when she first returned to China, she was unfamiliar with many things in the country and needed to carry a map drawn by her mother when she went out.

One weekend morning, Eva called me and said, "Auntie, I'm going to visit Hanhan at noon today. Can I have lunch at your house? Mom has to go out for some work today..."

I was a little shocked on the phone. The child was so independent at the age of 4! We had met several times, and I had also communicated with Eva's mother. I felt that they were a very friendly family, but Eva had never come to my house. I’m not afraid of even a dozen of such a well-behaved child. I promised Eva and asked her to come over early to play with Hanhan.

Later, Eva's mother told me that she actually wanted Eva to go to another friend's house that day, but that friend's house was quite far away, and it might be too late to send Eva there. So her mother let Eva decide for herself whether to go to Hanhan's house or go out with her mother. Eva decisively chose to go to Hanhan's house, and then she called me herself.

I asked Eva's mother how she usually teaches her children. Eva's mother smiled and said, "Maybe it's because I'm lazy. I let her do many things by herself as long as she can do them by herself."

3. Don’t underestimate your child’s ability. She can do everything.

Another disadvantage of parents doing all the children's affairs is that we will be very tired! When Hanhan was a little over 3 years old, I was very busy at work for a period of time. It happened that Hanhan's grandmother was not feeling well and went back to her hometown to rest. When I got home from get off work, I had to give the child a bath and take care of everything. I was so tired that I didn't even want to take a bath myself.

I said to Hanhan: "Hanhan, Mommy is very busy these days, did you know that?" Hanhan was riding a toy wooden horse next to me, shaking and nodding and said: "I know!" I was a little relieved, and then asked Hanhan: "Can you take a bath by yourself tonight?" Hanhan said happily: "Sure!"

After preparing the water for the child, I stood by and instructed her on which part to wash first, which part to wash next, and what to pay attention to when flushing. The child did a great job every step of the way. Although it took me longer to teach her how to take a bath that night than it did for me to help her, and the bubbles from the shower gel were all over the place and the bathroom was a mess, the good thing is that the child learned to take a bath by herself. In the next few nights, she washed herself, dried herself, and dressed herself. In this way, she acquired a new skill.

Sometimes we underestimate children’s abilities, thinking that they are still young, can’t do this or that, and can’t do anything well. In fact, children’s learning ability is much stronger than we think. Only when we know how to be "lazy" and let our children try things on their own, can we know how powerful our children are.

The most important thing about learning to be "lazy" is to be "lazy in body but not in mind". Encourage children to try things on their own, and when they encounter difficulties, patiently guide them to solve the problems themselves. Don’t worry about your child not being able to do it well. Any skill is a process from not knowing to knowing. Only when the mother is "lazy" will the child have the opportunity to be at the front.